Desire

Language and What It Can Tell You. August 21, 2008 by amarisgrey Something I’ve been very interested in is the art of interpreting body language. My interest was first sparked when people told me that I was extremely expressive with my body and face, and that they could tell what mood I was in even if I wasn’t speaking. Due to the fact that I struggle with speech due to an accident when I was younger, my bodily and facial expressiveness is more exaggerated than the average person, because I have to compensate for not being able to express myself vocally. I got to thinking, if we could read the subconscious clues of the people around us, there is no end to what we could learn about them. We could spot winners from losers. Reliable, honest people would be obvious to discern from theiving, dishonest people. So, I began looking at different books and reading about it, and testing what I read in real life. What I learned about people shocked an surprised me. Picture this scenario in your head: If you are a male, imagine you are out with a woman. Her arms are crossed on the table in front of her, her legs are crossed and are not positioned in front of her but to the side and away from the table, and she’s smiling without showing any teeth. Is she interested in you? If you are a woman, imagine the same scenario, except you are with a man. He is smiling constantly, has his legs splayed wide open and is resting in his chair in a slouched position, has both hands on the table with his palms down, and he keeps scratching his nose. What does this say to you? I’ll go through a few body language markers that are easy enough to spot and explain how it much sense it makes if we actually stopped a moment to think about it. First, pay attention to people’s hands. People (more dominantly in America, Italy, and Spain) tend to gesture with their hands when speaking. The reason is because studies have shown people who listened to a speaker who used their hands retained almost 65% more information when compared to people who listened to a lecturer who had his hands behind his back. We identify more with a peson who’s hands we can see, because it says to us that the person has nothing to hide. Open hands convey certain messages. For instance, when a person is accused of something, they will often hold their hands up in the air with the palms exposed. This gesture is universal as nonthreatening. However, if the palm is down, it signifies that this person feels like an superior figure and is asserting his authority. How many people have seen a waiter rub his hands rapidly when he greets you at your table? This is a subconscious reminder to you that you should leave him a big tip. If he comes to your table and is rubbing his hands very slowly, asking if you liked your meal, it probably means someone has spit into your food. The fast hand rub indicates expectation, a slow hand rub signifies deciet or bad behavior. People tend to clench their hands in frustration or anger. It’s obvious if a person has their fists clenched at their sides that they are not happy, but what if they are sitting? Same rule applies. If you are seated with a person who is either rubbing his knuckes or has both clenched together tight, this person is not in a good mood. The distance between the face and hands also seems to be directionally porportionate to the level of aggitation. It the hands are close to the face, it signifies extreme aggitation. If low, like near the hips, the person is only mildly annoyed. Next, we’ll examine the gestures we make with our arms and legs. Everyone is aware that when a person has their arms crossed that they are pretty much cutting themselves off from the people around them, but few realize that the higher and tighter the arms are crossed on the chest, the more hostile the person is feeling. Men who cross their arms high generally do it when they are very angry, if they cross them low, it usually means they are disinterested or disbelieving. Women, however, tend to only cross their arms underneath the breast or over the nipples, and prefer to place their hands on their hips when angry or annoyed. Each of these gestures has a specific meaning. When they cross them under the breast, it means that they are cut off mentally and don’t really want to be in the conversation anymore. When they are crossed atop the nipple, it signifies that the woman is extremely uncomfortable and responds by protecting the most sensitive part of her body (The male equivalent is clasping their hands over their crotch or crossing their legs while standing). Another method of conveying an emotion of discomfort is known as “self-hugging”, in which the person wraps their arms around their torso and often will squeeze themselves. This is in direct relationship to how mothers comfort their children when they are scared, by picking them up and wrapping their arms around the child and squeezing. Now, leg gestures are often harder to interpret simply because it is often easier to look a person in the face or at their hands than to look at their feet, and legs are often hidden when sitting. Have you ever noticed a person who jiggles their leg? How many times have you found that odd? And if you are the type to leg-jiggle, have you ever wondered why you do it? Generally, a person will jiggle their legs during times of pain or distress, and it’s rarely a physical discomfort. Studies have shown that people (predominantly women) jiggle their legs as a way of releasing stress. It has been shown that a person will jiggle their legs more during periods emotional pain rather than of physical pain, which it is less frequent. Ladies, you’ve probably noticed that men always tend to sit with their legs wide open. Ever wonder why? Well, your first guess would be the right one. Sitting with their legs open is a man’s subconscious need to assert his masculinity. Men release the most pheromones from the two places on their bodies where they sweat the most, which is the armpits and crotch. This is the reason they will sit with their hands behind their head, too. This is a man’s way of marking his territory. You’ll often not see two men sitting this way in each other’s presence; they generally only do it around women. In a man’s company, they generally do the “crotch hand grasp”. The crotch hand grasp means insecurity in mixed company, but in the company of other males it is much like a warning. In direct, but opposite, relation to that, women do something known as “leg twining”, in which they will sit on one leg which will be pointed backward underneath them. The reason women can do this is largely due to the width of their pelvus, which is much wider than a males due to childbearing. Men cannot do this with their legs, so it’s a very obvious display of femininity, even if it doesn’t seem so. Men tend to express discomfort or insecurity more with the lower half of their body in comparison to women, who express it more with the upper half. A very distinct male insecurity gesture in crossing their legs while standing. This is a motion to protect the most sensitive part of their body. If you see a man standing on a wall in this position, it’s very likely he doesn’t want to be there. Now, keeping that in mind, pay attention to how a man will stand. If he stands with his legs open, his foot will point in the direction that has his interested. If a man is attracted to a woman with whom he is speaking or is at least standing in close proximity, his foot will point toward her. If he is uncomfortable and wishes to leave, his foot will point toward the door while simultaneously, and subconsciously, inching toward the exit. Now, we move on to the face. I know you’re thinking that this part should be easy, but don’t get ahead of yourself. First, we’ll start with gestures that indicate dishonesty, the first of which is compulsive face touching. If you ever watched the footage of Ex-President Bill Clinton denying his involvement with presidential secretary Monica Lewinsky, take a very close look at his behavior. You’ll notice he tends to touch his nose and mouth a lot. He also blinks rapidly and swallows too often. The reason behind facial touching stems from childhood. When a child tells a lie, the will hold their hands over their mouth, literally trying to stop the lie from escaping their lips. When we grow older, this is still the case. We are physically, and subconsciously, attempting to stem our own dishonesty by “playing” with our face. It is also shown that other indicators of deciet are pupil-dilation (which is why it’s often hard to look others in the eyes while lying), sweat, an enlargening of the tongue and tickling of the throat (which causes the liar to swallow, cough, and clear their throat frequently), and excessive hand motion. “Speak no evil.” Let’s look at conversational cues. Have you ever shown someone pictures of your child and their response is to say “She’s beautiful,” and at the same time they rub the corner of their eye? This is an indication that they really dislike what they are looking at. This is another gesture that originates from childhood. When a child observes something that scares him or that he doesn’t like, he will cover his eyes. ”See no evil.” What about if you are in a conversation with another person and they keep playing with their earring or tugging on their earlobe. This is basically saying to you, “I’m not listening.” This is an indicator that they either completely disagree with what you are saying, or they are completey disinterested. Again, a childhood behavior carried over into adulthood. If a child hears something they do not like they will attempt to block out the sound by covering their ears. ”Hear no evil.” In contrast, if a person is extremely interested in the conversation, they will lean their elbows on the table and rest their head on the flats of their hands toward you. This is called the “face platter.” This can also indicate attraction, especially when combined with a sidelong glance and raised eyebrows. Chin stroking is a common conversational cue, and most people would attribute it to thinking or evaluation. You’d be right, but pay attention. If the person is leaning toward you, they are favorable to what you are saying, but if they lean backwards, you are losing them fast. Also remember to look for language clusters. Say you are talking to a man who is trying to sell you his car. He keeps motioning toward the car with is hand palm down, steps into your personal space frequently, and keeps rubbing his mouth. This man is a liar, and a pushy one. Or, say you’ve gone in for a job interview. While speaking to the interviewer, she has her legs and arms crossed, though she’s facing you her body is pointed away, she is leaning back in her chair and stroking her chin. You probably aren’t going to get that job. Now, examining the information, how would you answer the scenario questions above? For homework, go to work or school, or some crowded place where it is necessary to speak with people, get into a conversation with someone, and observe their behavior. You’d be surprised what you can learn about people by paying attention. Like Be the first to like this. Posted in Health Sciences, Personal Musings | Tagged body, Body Language, interpretation, language, learn, Lying, Truth | 17 Comments 17 Responses on April 22, 2009 at 6:49 am | Reply Random T. This is very hot info. I’ll share it on Digg. on November 21, 2009 at 12:09 pm | Reply Blake Im very interested in body language. I need some help with this one. My girlfriend sits in front of me wiith a dress or skirt on, her legs are open wide but her legs are turned to the side so I cant see anything. When she faces me again with her legs she closes them, why is she doing this? I really would like a answer to this one. on November 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm | Reply amarisgrey That’s a tricky one. When a woman sits with her legs open, as opposed to closed which is actually a more natural position for women, it can either indicate that she is asserting dominance or has unusual masculine tendencies, as legs open is typically a male’s natural position. It may mean that she has a dominant personality, or would like to become more dominant in the relationship. When she changes to legs closed when turning toward you, it may be an unconscious sign of respect. Alternately, sitting with legs open while wearing a skirt or dress may indicate sexual interest. When she closes her legs, it could signify she may not be fully satisfied with your current sex life. I would talk to her about it, but ease into it, don’t jump right into it, because those kinds of talks can go really wrong really fast. You should also pay attention to her hands in relation to the position of her legs; for example: If she sits with her legs and her arms are at her side, she’s relaxed and neutral. If her legs are closed and her hands are folded in her lap, it could signify she’s become closed off. Hands folded and legs closed is the feminine equivalent to the masculine arms folded, legs crossed that men display when standing. on December 7, 2009 at 5:13 pm | Reply Anon Quite interesting. Some of your assertions in this run counter to the generally accepted reads according to Dr. Enkman, but good work over all. Chin stroking, for instance, while it does indicate what you say, is also a physical manipulator with the hands, which has quite a lot of other meanings. It’s odd that you mention these a few paragraphs earlier, and then ignore them. Just because the manipulator has changed it doesn’t mean the underlying cause has. A person who is interested/disinterest in the conversation usually won’t stroke their chin, there are other expressions that indicate true interest. on December 7, 2009 at 10:32 pm | Reply amarisgrey Your post confuses me. You said that chin stroking does mean what I said it means, and then in the next paragraph you said it doesn’t. Besides, haven’t you ever seen someone stroking their chin while listening to a person talk about money or sex? That’s clearly interest. Also, I wasn’t ignoring any my previous statements. The statements regarding hand placement near the face applied to both hands, not just one. Anyhow, this is a very basic analysis for people who know nothing about body language. It’s not a psychological dissertation. on March 4, 2010 at 8:23 pm | Reply geekspawngirl This was a cool post :) And now that I’m thinking about a lot of the things you said and matching up different body language with different people I know, it fits, too. on April 14, 2010 at 10:15 pm | Reply Cassy Hi there, I would like to know if you can help me understand this body language it’s driving me crazy. Everyone i ask is always telling me it’s all in my head. Well whenever people are looking at me be it family,friends, at work i work in retail. They always touch their nose or sniff hard and i def know it’s not my hygiene (i’m a clean freak lol) Could it be because i have a medium to big nose but i also have big lips and people stare at them i can see it in there eyes lol but really what does the nose thing mean? Also one more thing what does it mean when people clear their throat around you often? Could it be because i have kind of deep voice like mariah carey. It kind of sounds like that . I really would like too know this. Please, please help me people always do this around me, mostly women and sometimes men esp the throat clearing thing men do that more often with me. The nose thing happenes too me more often with women. I would truly appreciate it if you could get back too me Thank You on April 15, 2010 at 7:05 am | Reply amarisgrey When a person touches or rubs something on their own body frequently while talking to or looking at another person, it may be there attempt to draw attention to yourself; I.E. if there is an unusual freckle, pimple or blemish in that area that captures their attention, they rub the same spot on their face as a subconscious way of letting you know it’s there without blurting it out loud. It may very well be that you have a large nose. The constant clearing of the throat can be many things. It can indicate lying, discomfort, and sexual interest, among others. You’ve said that you have a deep voice, so their may be a possibility people think you have some sort of throat condition, and they clear their throat to encourage you to do the same. I have that problem as well. I has a soft, raspy voice that sounds as though I’ve got bronchitis, and I notice that people cough or clear their throats around me, as though they are telling me to clear my own. It’s very much perceptual. on April 15, 2010 at 11:58 am | Reply amarisgrey I am a witch, actually. What can I do to help? on April 15, 2010 at 6:45 pm | Reply Cassy Tell me anything you think i should know at this moment. Thank You on April 15, 2010 at 6:58 pm | Reply amarisgrey Well, it’s difficult to know where to start without a focus. Magic and/or pagan religions are not things that can be answer quickly, so it’s hard to know where to start.. I have several articles on this blog about paganism that are good for general knowledge and such.. I would also suggest making an account at http://www.vampirefreaks.com, and joining a forum called “Wicca”. I am a staff member there. It’s primarily a teaching forum. There are already a lot of threads about the basics. on April 15, 2010 at 9:21 pm | Reply Cassy Thanks, i actually wanted to know more about my love life right now but i don’t want to write all my info on here can i personally e-mail you? What is your e-mail. Also can you please delete my other post with my pic in it please. Thanks :) on April 15, 2010 at 9:23 pm | Reply amarisgrey Ooo-kay. My email is Arnarkusaga@yahoo.com on July 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm | Reply roland a very informative blog ! i arrived at this blog while searching for de keyword : “why do ppl start snorting, clearing their throats , go tro a sneezing motion, let out deep sighs, suddenly ask unrelated questions frequently, turn and stare at me frequently (usually ladies) while im talking wt someone else as if trying to “catch” me staring at them. . . As if they are trying to avoid me as if im a leech – when in actual fact – i get very annoyed by their actions as i mean no harm to them – with a spiritual background, i go around being nice to all without hurting their feelings by being very careful tro speech, intention and action. Im more a loner due this situation as i feel that they are getting uncomfortable wt me around and i slowly leave them . Im emotionally very distressed and hurt by all this hostile behaviour when i mean them no harm but its de opposite! Appreciate your honest comment on this from you all ! Ladies as well as men often do this when im in their company Im 220lbs, 5ft 10in tall wt medium dark complexion average looking guy. I bathe twice a day without any body odors (my wife is impressed that i can wear my shirts a few rounds before send for washing cos there’s no stink) & well shaved. Thanks Regards. Roland on February 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm | Reply Colette Imaino This really is my very first time i click here. I ran across lots of interesting stuff with your pages especially it’s discussion. With the a great deal of comments in your content, I suppose I am not the only person having all the enjoyment here! Sustain favorable work. on February 3, 2011 at 7:38 pm | Reply amarisgrey Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it. on April 28, 2012 at 7:42 am | Reply Brees Lagos This article is very interesting, and looking at my tendencies seems very accurate. The information above is easy to remember, so when most needed it will be useful. Thanks to the author of this.