Desire

T = Touch The letter T in S-O-F-T-E-N stands for touch. In our culture, the most acceptable form of first contact between two people who are just meeting is a warm handshake. This is usually true when meeting members of the same or opposite sex - and not just in business, but in social situations, too. In nearly every situation, a warm and firm handshake is a safe way of showing an open and friendly attitude toward the women you meet. Be the first to extend your hand in greeting. Couple this with a friendly "hi," a nice smile, and your name, and you have made the first step to open the channels of communication between you and the other person. Some men don't feel right in offering their hand to a woman first. They say they would feel stupid if the woman didn't shake their hand. Emily Post states in the revised edition of her book of etiquette that it is perfectly acceptable for a man to offer a handshake to a woman, and that, in most cases, it would be rude for either man or woman to ignore or refuse this friendly gesture. Some men, on the other hand, feel that they are being too forward if they offer a handshake to a woman. They think the woman might get the "wrong idea" if they extend their hand first in greeting. The problem is that there are two people who are afraid to shake hands. Although there are exceptions because of religious customs, most of the people I've polled on the subject agree: no matter who makes the first move, nearly everyone likes this form of physical contact. It's safe and non-threatening for both parties. This keeps personal defenses down and creates an atmosphere of equality and receptivity between the people. More personal forms of touch should be exercised with a sensitivity to the other person's culture, and in a warm, non-aggressive manner. It is also important to end your conversations with a warm and friendly handshake, in business as well as social situations. Couple it with a bright smile and a friendly statement like, "I've really enjoyed talking with you!" or "let's get together again soon using her name!" This is an excellent way to end a conversation and leaves you and the woman both feeling good about the exchange. Always get the woman's name right away when you first start your conversation. Use her name in your first open ended question that should start after your warm and bright hi and introduction. Then use her name in every acknowledgment that you are listening. Also use her name in every other question.